Everyone feels a need for approval at some level and at some point in their life, and some go to their grave still clinging to this perceived yet unsatisfied need. Expecting approval from outside sources, and worse yet, basing our level of self-esteem on said approval, is similar to waiting and somehow expecting to win the lottery to solve our financial problems. In our minds we may think we deserve every penny of it because maybe we have bought more tickets than we can justify over the years. Obviously waiting for the lottery to solve our financial problems is asinine, but is it all that different from waiting for someone to give approval when they haven’t and normally don’t? Even if they do in other cases, if we are waiting for something that up until now hasn’t come, maybe there are more productive things to do with our time and energy.
A very basic principle of Barbequia is to live independent of outside sources of approval for self-esteem. The reason for this is that outside sources have absolutely NOTHING to do with either. We are who we are, and based on your spiritual or religious background, you are an integral part of Universal creation, you are a child of God, you are a part of God/Goddess or God/Goddess is manifest through you. Whatever your view on the matter is, we all have a core of divinity or divine potential. We will start from the premise that we believe we have divine potential of whatever sort works for you. The fact is, we are far greater than we see ourselves as being and therein lies the key; and until we come to this realization, we will tend to seek approval from others.
By definition, approval requires a judgment. In order to approve, we first need to evaluate and assess, then based on our frame of reference, we make a judgment and hand down a verdict – approved or denied (disapproved). By looking for that from others, we are asking them to do that which we all want to avoid – pass judgment– and yet we go through life whimpering about how we want people to stop judging us. No wonder we get caught up and confused in the downward spiral of the whirlpool of the “need” for approval. Approval from or for others is a vicious cycle leading nowhere we want to go.
Barbequia is about loving acceptance that needs to start internally and then it can effectively be shared. While it is possible to accept others without giving our self the same courtesy, you will notice the qualifier “loving”. The difference between accepting and lovingly accepting is the difference between resignation and honoring. To merely accept someone including one’s Self, all that is needed is to resign one’s Self to the perceived reality and conform. To lovingly accept someone including one’s Self, requires seeing and honoring the divinity in all of us regardless of our lifestyle and choices. Our lifestyle and choices will have their own fruits, which we can enjoy or dispose of accordingly and they are for the individual and the individual alone to deal with. The choices we make have no reflection on the degree of divinity within us, only our level of recognition of that divinity. Ponder that for a minute.
Loving acceptance is the divine substitute for approval and an integral part of a Barbequian life. The way to receive anything that matters is to give it away freely. By striving to lovingly accept everyone, we will consequently feel the receipt of the same in our own life. It is the perfect starting point for eliminating the “need” for approval.
Maybe we don’t exactly love our self to give that loving acceptance to others, and that can be a frustrating scenario to contemplate. However, there is a very simple solution. The first step is to want to love our self, and then all we need to do is act as if we do. It is a proven fact that if we act in any given way long enough, we will eventually adopt it into our belief system or lifestyle. In order to begin lovingly accepting our self so we can do so for others may require a bit of the philosophy I call “fake it ‘til you make it”. If we start from a desire to lovingly accept our self and begin acting as if we do (i.e. lovingly accepting others) we eventually will and in both cases the power and integrity will grow exponentially to the point that it is an integral part of who we are.