As we have pointed out, the term independence in association with Barbequia has nothing to do with separatism, segregation or succession. The term refers to a state of non-dependence on outside factors or influences for our happiness and well-being. As we come to terms with who we are and mature in our understanding that we are an extension of the Universal Creative Force, and as we embrace and celebrate our individuality, our confidence will grow to levels of quiet dignity never before experienced.
When we understand that we are no better or no less than any of the other billions of forms of life that share this planet with us, but rather we are an important part of the collective that makes the Universe such an awesome example of balance and perfection, we will understand that pride and judgment are a foolish waste of energy. This particular concept never fails to spark a bit of resistance in the more “traditional” circles I associate with. Our western religious background has instilled this sense of elevation over all other forms of creation and in our arrogance we have come to accept this delusion of grandeur as fact and acted upon it in a destructive way.
The Barbequian view on this matter is one of equality with all of creation in terms of our “importance” with the understanding that each creature has different roles. We choose to elevate ourselves along with the rest of creation to a single level of perfection and balance where none is more important than the other in the big picture. This attitude is not one of demotion, but one of rising above the realm of ego and entering into that of humility. True independence requires humility in order to truly free our self from our personal prisons of narrow-mindedness, judgment, depression, stress and capitulation for acceptance.
Our level of personal independence is directly proportional to and driven by our level of humility. It is interesting how the word humility is viewed in such a negative way in today’s world. It is viewed as weakness and a lowly state when, in reality, humility is shedding the ego, the need to judge, the need to amass and be recognized for what we have, and is an attitude of quiet dignity and stately poise that comes from the supercharged self confidence it engenders. Where is the lowliness in that?
There are attributes or qualities that we can develop that are not only conducive to, but a vital part of, Barbequia. The development of these qualities is an on-going process, as is the implementation of Barbequia; a process to be enjoyed and experienced in order to learn what works and what doesn’t. Again, it is remarkable how many people look to books to become suddenly happy, transformed, enlightened or saved. What would be the point? Let’s say that was possible and all we had to do was read a book and viola – instant transformation. Then what?! I don’t know either and have no interest in exploring something that isn’t there. The development and implementation of these attributes is inevitably a process to be enjoyed.
As we shed the ego and develop a sense of humility and self-confidence, we will start to see and appreciate our own personal quirks, tendencies, likes, and tastes and we will allow these to be expressed in our words, actions and dress. Barbequia is about the discovery of new tastes, look, behaviors and habits through exploring the spectrum of possibility with an open mind. When we can manifest our individuality through our outward appearance and we are open to that manifestation, reserving the right to change at any time, we will discover a new side of fun to life.
Now let’s not confuse a desire to rebel with a desire to explore our taste. When we do it in a spirit of celebration of individuality in humility, we will find we are more successful at accurately portraying that individuality. Not only is this a fun process, but also very revealing and healing when done in the proper spirit. Manifestations of anger and rebellion weaken us, while those of celebration and exploration strengthen us. Barbequia is about exploring new things in all aspects of life and adopting those that work for as long as they continue to do so. The trick to enjoying this process of exploring new things is to have and maintain an open mind. We will benefit immensely by broadening our horizons and being open to new things, cultures, food, places, music, people, clothing, furnishings, art, and in essence all things that will certainly enhance the quality of our life.
Barbequia is freedom from the need to judge and condemn. To judge is such a debilitating thing and its ugliness is responsible for unimaginable pain, death, destruction, sorrow, damaged relationships, broken homes, wars, racism, hate and insecurity. Nothing positive has come from the perceived need to judge and yet when we are able to remove that need from our life, the difference it makes in the quality of our life is beyond what feeble words can describe.
It is important to differentiate between judgment and wisdom in choices. Every day we are faced with the need to assess and choose in order to determine the ongoing course of our life, and this is a normal and necessary process. Judgment on the other hand is applying a label or adjective to associate with the situation or person based on our limited frame of reference rather than merely choosing the course we will take from this point forward.
The interesting thing about judgment is that our conclusions are never accurate nor can they be, as they are based on our own insecurities and frame of reference. Since nothing in creation shares our exact frame of reference then we don’t have a valid standard to compare to or judge by – life is far too dynamic for that. When we judge others or their actions, we are merely comparing them to what we think we should do under similar circumstances and who the hell are we to assume another person’s experience is anywhere similar to our own? Easy enough to vocalize, but striving to live this principle can be a challenge.
At one stage in life I worked as manager of a pet store in a large shopping mall in Portland, OR where I came into contact with a very wide variety of people, from the rich and elite to the homeless and the conservative to the flamboyant. One morning a customer came into the store and as I glanced up at him, I was shocked by what I saw. He had a shaved head that was covered with tattoos, his cheeks, lips, eyebrows, ears, nose and even the back of his neck were pierced and had some form of hardware run through him. He was over 6 feet tall, dressed in a leather jacket, jeans and boots. His hands were tattooed and my comparatively conservative frame of reference immediately threw me into judgment mode as I verified the phone number for mall security and reluctantly approached him to help him quickly before he scared away any “normal” customers. My assistant who was far more mature than myself in this area beat me to him and greeted him as she always does in her cheerful way and helped him get the food he came in to purchase for his pet rat. After helping several other customers I realized that she was still talking to this guy and seeming to enjoy it. As they walked over to the register to check out, I joined the conversation and as I spoke with him, I realized how immature and stupid my judgment had been. To make a long story short, this gentleman was the kindest, most sensitive customer I ever met at that store. Over the following months, he taught us great lessons of love and respect for animals as he shared his love for them with us. He taught us lessons in love for others as we watched him interact with other customers and help answer their questions in such an unexpected gentle way. But above all, he taught us not to judge a person by his outward appearance, which brought us to the realization that we just can’t judge at all. I hate to think what I would have missed out on had I not stepped out of my comfort zone and joined in that conversation that day.
Barbequia is that place where we can freely and safely experience independence of thought, expression, beliefs and the weakening effects of fear, negativity, judgment capitulation and the need to be accepted. It is a place in your heart, your home, your work, your back yard and your life where love and humility are the emotions of choice and growth, learning, sharing, acceptance and understanding are the way of life.