At some point in everyone’s life, there arises a desire for approval—a need for validation from others. Some may seek this approval more actively than others, and for some, it can become an enduring preoccupation that shapes their self-worth and actions. In many cases, this longing for approval becomes a lifetime pursuit, one that may go unfulfilled. Expecting external approval, and worse, tying our self-esteem to it, is like waiting for a lottery win to solve our financial troubles. We might convince ourselves that we deserve the prize because we’ve invested so much—whether it’s our time, energy, or hope. But relying on external approval for validation is equally unrealistic and unproductive. Just as it’s absurd to expect that a lottery ticket will solve our financial woes, it is equally misguided to expect that someone else’s approval will solve our internal emotional struggles. If approval from others has never come, why continue investing time and energy in waiting for it?
A core principle of Barbequia is to live independently of external validation. Our sense of self-worth should not be dependent on the judgments of others, for the truth is that those judgments have no bearing on our true value. From a Barbequian perspective, each of us is an integral part of Universal creation—whether one views themselves as a child of God, a manifestation of the Divine, or simply as a being with divine potential. The important thing is this: we are far greater than we often perceive ourselves to be. Recognizing this truth is key to breaking free from the cycle of seeking external approval.
The Cycle of Judgment and Approval
Approval, by definition, involves judgment. In order to approve, we must first assess, evaluate, and then make a decision—approved or disapproved. When we seek approval from others, we are, in essence, inviting them to judge us, even though most people would rather avoid being judged. It’s a paradox: we often seek approval while simultaneously protesting against being judged. This creates a confusing and self-defeating cycle—a whirlpool of neediness and dependence. Approval from others is a slippery slope that leads to dissatisfaction, as we are constantly giving away our power to external sources, placing our self-worth in their hands.
Barbequia teaches us that true acceptance must come from within before we can share it outwardly. It is possible to accept others without giving ourselves the same courtesy, but there is a profound difference between simple acceptance and “loving acceptance.” Accepting someone means resigning oneself to their presence or actions—conforming to a reality without actively engaging with it. But to lovingly accept someone, including oneself, requires honoring their inherent worth, regardless of their actions or choices. This kind of acceptance does not imply agreement or approval of all behaviors, but it acknowledges the divine potential within each person.
The choices we make have consequences, but those consequences are ours to bear. They are not a reflection of our divinity; rather, they demonstrate how much we recognize and embrace that divinity within ourselves. This distinction is vital. Our recognition of our divinity is not altered by the mistakes we make or the paths we choose—it is simply part of the journey to fully acknowledging our potential.
Loving Acceptance as the Divine Substitute for Approval
In Barbequia, loving acceptance replaces the need for approval. It is the divine practice of seeing others—ourselves included—as beings of immense worth and potential. The key to receiving the love and acceptance we desire is to give it freely to others. By striving to lovingly accept everyone, we ultimately invite the same kind of acceptance into our lives. This creates a powerful cycle of self-affirmation, where giving love and acceptance reinforces our own capacity to feel it.
Sometimes, we may find that we don’t yet love ourselves enough to offer loving acceptance to others. This can be a frustrating realization, but there is a simple remedy: we begin by wanting to love ourselves, and then we act as if we already do. This might sound like a form of “faking it,” but it’s a strategy grounded in truth. Research has shown that when we act in a certain way long enough, those behaviors become integrated into our belief system. So, if we begin by treating others with loving acceptance, even if it feels like a stretch, we will eventually come to internalize that love and acceptance for ourselves as well. Over time, this practice becomes more authentic, and the power of loving acceptance grows exponentially within us.
This principle can be summarized as: fake it until you make it. It’s not about pretending to be someone we’re not, but about embracing the possibility of change. If we start from a place of genuine desire to love ourselves, and we begin practicing that love through our actions—especially in how we treat others—we will begin to embody that love. It becomes an integral part of who we are, expanding and deepening as we continue the practice.
In this way, we can break free from the dependency on external approval and step into the fullness of our divine potential. The more we lovingly accept ourselves, the more we can share that acceptance with others, creating a life rich in love, peace, and personal empowerment.